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last night i ate a "shroomtella sandwhich"

LOL

i basically had nothing to eat the shrooms with,

so i used a piece of whole grain bread and put

yes, you guessed it

nutella on it and sprinkled the shrooms on top

i must say it masked the taste very effectively

30 minutes in, my whole body felt tingly

as i was choosing a song to listen to,

i noticed the letters on the screen to start swirling around

"OK. i think im tripping now"

that's when i started to lose my grip on reality

and you don't even notice it at the same time

you know you're tripping when just being on the youtube

site itself trips you out

chung: "YOUTUBE NEVER LOOKED SO CRAZY"

let me tell you,

watching that movie Baraka on shrooms just made

that movie 500x more crazier than it already is

and you see, the thing

with shrooms is that you can't tell if that's what the movie really looks like

or if your vision is just fucking with you

my room never looked so different

it also never felt so evil

the sailboats on my walls looked more pointy than they already were

and i saw the sails moving

the way the pattern of ships goes along my walls made it almost look like fire

this song that you're listening to right now was

actually one of the songs i played during my trip

once we heard the guy talking,

EVERYONE busted out laughing

and i can recall richie saying,

"what the fuck are we listening to?"

LOL

all of my drawings came to life

they were all moving and swirling around, like that's

what the whole purpose of the drawing really was:

to be animated

not to be just simple drawings on the wall

seeing all of this, it just makes me wonder

how does the human mind conjure up images like this?

is this the other world that we do not see?

why did i see it with my own eyes if it's not there?

throughout the whole night my mind was generally in

a state of confusion

my mind was racing with thoughts

faster than i could actually comprehend

it would jump into thinking about when my parents are coming back

to "wait when did they leave?"

to "wait what day is today?"

to "wait wtf... days of the week are crazy."

to "should i ask my brother?"

to "holy shit i have a brother"

to "holy shit my parents are coming back tomorrow"

and as i would keep thinking and thinking

my mind would go to and from reality

as i would think about things that had to do with the real world

i would feel like i'm normal again

and then when i would walk back into my room and stare at one of the most fucking

trippy movies i've ever seen, A Waking Life, i would feel crazy in the head again

here's a clip so you can see why it tripped me out way too hard:

it's actually a really good philosophical movie about life

i'll have to watch it again sober

but the movie looks so trippy that itll make you feel like youre on something

when you're watching it

occasionally i would go downstairs to visit and talk with some people (who were completely sober)

i was actually able to hold a normal conversation with them

and me being able to conversate with them made me forget

i was even shrooming

and one of the random guys that were downstairs came upstairs

to show me this video

cause he knew i was shrooming

and omg.

i almost wanted to look away cause it just looked

TOO CRAZY:

watch 1:15-3:00

i remember taking a step outside to have a cigarette

and looking up at the clouds

the clouds never looked so detailed

it's like they didn't have a fluffy edge around them

it almost seemed solid and smooth

one of the most random funny moments was when

i was standing in front of my parents room with

jacky and chung

and we were just literally

standing there

looking around in confusion

and finally chung goes

"are we really just standing in front of your parents room?"

LOL

there were many obstacles to overcome during my trip

like figuring out the thermostat

me and chung literally stood in front of it for 5 minutes

trying to figure out

"WHATS HOT?

is 90 DEGREES HOT?"

note to self: a thermostat is highly inoperable

when shrooming

alas, near the end of my trip, mark put on one of my favorite music videos

again, it was 5004% times more amplified when i was tripping

so it just looked too beautiful

even if you're sober right now, it will still blow your mind away

after watching it you just enter this moment of silence and you're just like

"whoa."

Birdy Nam Nam - The Parachute Ending

i had A LOT of laughs that night

and had a great trip

i definitely did not feel as many strange emotions

as i did my last trip

this was more of a "having fun" trip

but i did gain some insight from it

after every trip it seems like i just walked through

the many untouched doors of life

anyways i hope everyone had a good christmas

mine was pretty chill

just ate a lot of food and ended it with a cup of merlot

i got some useful clothing and funds for hard NYE

which is in 3 days

YES!

i can't believe it's 3 days until christmas

i'm sure all of you have noticed... it seems like the holidays have lost

their spark haven't they

when we were kids we would always look forward to halloween or christmas

we would look forward to trick or treating or waking up early to open presents

now its like the only thing we look forward to are our days off or when we get paid

i still wished we felt the same about the holidays

well i'm sure there are people out there who do

but i know i certainly don't

i mean, i want to feel excited

i try to enjoy seeing all the decorations and lights and listening to christmas music

and whatnot

but when the day actually comes it's like cool for awhile, you do notice it feels different than any other day

but then halfway through the day it just feels like a normal day again

well.. today i was thinking

concerning the fact that were older now is why were not so excited for the holidays

how do older people feel?

like our parents

it seems they actually do have more spirit in them (my mom atleast) at their age

could it be that.. as we get older we eventually get that magic back?

just because that were aware of the fact that we've been on this planet for such a long time that

we just want to cherish those special days of the year

so that we still feel alive

i dont know @_@

anyways

i'm going to spend this christmas by myself this year

my whole family is going to be in cali

but that's okay

cause on new years i'm going go to......

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! :D

500 days of summer

"i hate you"

last night,

i finally got a bad case of sleep paralysis.

for those of you who haven't heard of sleep paralysis,

"Physiologically, sleep paralysis is closely related to the paralysis that occurs as a natural part of REM (rapid eye movement) sleep, which is known as REM atonia. Sleep paralysis occurs when the brain awakes from a REM state, but the body paralysis persists. This leaves the person fully conscious, but unable to move. The paralysis can last from several seconds to several minutes "after which the individual may experience panic symptoms and the realization that the distorted perceptions were false.

The paralysis state may be accompanied by terrifying hallucinations (hypnopompic or hypnagogic) and an acute sense of danger.Sleep paralysis is particularly frightening to the individual because of the vividness of such hallucinations. The hallucinatory element to sleep paralysis makes it even more likely that someone will interpret the experience as a dream, since completely fanciful, or dream-like, objects may appear in the room alongside one's normal vision. Some scientists have proposed this condition as an explanation for alien abductions and ghostly encounters."

i felt awake,

i was fully aware of all my senses except sight

and it all started with something tapping on my back

like it was trying to get my attention

and, knowing that nothing should be in my room while i sleep, i started to panic

i could feel the tapping, yet i could not move or react

i felt like i was dreaming, yet i felt like i was awake

and since i felt this physical touch on me, i couldn't do anything but start to scream and yell

it lasted about 10 seconds

when i woke up, i immediately turned to my left (cause you know, since i was half aware that someone/something was touching me, i wanted to see what it was)

and there was nothing

i scanned around my room and just sat there on my bed, still shaken from the experience

"The paralysis can last from several seconds to several minutes "after which the individual may experience panic symptoms and the realization that the distorted perceptions were false"

this is from the scientific definition of sleep paralysis, but many believe that we really do see/feel

paranormal activities

i have heard many stories from various friends:

"my mother told me of a night she had sleep paralysis. she was laying in her bed on her side and could not move, but could look around. she saw a dark figure standing at the door. she wanted to scream but she could not talk or move. another time was when she was sleeping on her back, and she was half-asleep when she saw a demonic figure sitting on top of her. it began to choke her. she could feel the hands around her throat. she could only watch in terror, for her body couldnt move again. she then was able to say one thing: "jesus, help me." after that, the demonic figure dissipated and her nightmarish experience was over."

it is noted that one of the causes of sleep paralysis is sleeping with your face upwards (sleeping on your back):

The Nightmare, by Henry Fuseli (1781) is thought to be one of the classic depictions of sleep paralysis perceived as a demonic visitation.

But, as in mine and the below case, it can also occur while you sleep on your side:

"i was sleeping on my side when i noticed i could not move. i felt an uncomfortable presence inside my room, like it was looking right at me. something then grabbed my arm and flung it across the bed. i regained full consciousness after that and was terribly disturbed."

"Some reports read that various factors increase the likelihood of both paralysis and hallucinations. These include:

• Irregular sleeping schedules; naps, sleeping in, sleep deprivation
• Increased stress
• Sudden environmental/lifestyle changes
• A lucid dream that immediately precedes the episode."

now i wonder....

was it that ghost that lives in my house the one that wanted to get my attention?

.....goddamnit,

cant you see im trying to sleep