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last night i ate a "shroomtella sandwhich"

LOL

i basically had nothing to eat the shrooms with,

so i used a piece of whole grain bread and put

yes, you guessed it

nutella on it and sprinkled the shrooms on top

i must say it masked the taste very effectively

30 minutes in, my whole body felt tingly

as i was choosing a song to listen to,

i noticed the letters on the screen to start swirling around

"OK. i think im tripping now"

that's when i started to lose my grip on reality

and you don't even notice it at the same time

you know you're tripping when just being on the youtube

site itself trips you out

chung: "YOUTUBE NEVER LOOKED SO CRAZY"

let me tell you,

watching that movie Baraka on shrooms just made

that movie 500x more crazier than it already is

and you see, the thing

with shrooms is that you can't tell if that's what the movie really looks like

or if your vision is just fucking with you

my room never looked so different

it also never felt so evil

the sailboats on my walls looked more pointy than they already were

and i saw the sails moving

the way the pattern of ships goes along my walls made it almost look like fire

this song that you're listening to right now was

actually one of the songs i played during my trip

once we heard the guy talking,

EVERYONE busted out laughing

and i can recall richie saying,

"what the fuck are we listening to?"

LOL

all of my drawings came to life

they were all moving and swirling around, like that's

what the whole purpose of the drawing really was:

to be animated

not to be just simple drawings on the wall

seeing all of this, it just makes me wonder

how does the human mind conjure up images like this?

is this the other world that we do not see?

why did i see it with my own eyes if it's not there?

throughout the whole night my mind was generally in

a state of confusion

my mind was racing with thoughts

faster than i could actually comprehend

it would jump into thinking about when my parents are coming back

to "wait when did they leave?"

to "wait what day is today?"

to "wait wtf... days of the week are crazy."

to "should i ask my brother?"

to "holy shit i have a brother"

to "holy shit my parents are coming back tomorrow"

and as i would keep thinking and thinking

my mind would go to and from reality

as i would think about things that had to do with the real world

i would feel like i'm normal again

and then when i would walk back into my room and stare at one of the most fucking

trippy movies i've ever seen, A Waking Life, i would feel crazy in the head again

here's a clip so you can see why it tripped me out way too hard:

it's actually a really good philosophical movie about life

i'll have to watch it again sober

but the movie looks so trippy that itll make you feel like youre on something

when you're watching it

occasionally i would go downstairs to visit and talk with some people (who were completely sober)

i was actually able to hold a normal conversation with them

and me being able to conversate with them made me forget

i was even shrooming

and one of the random guys that were downstairs came upstairs

to show me this video

cause he knew i was shrooming

and omg.

i almost wanted to look away cause it just looked

TOO CRAZY:

watch 1:15-3:00

i remember taking a step outside to have a cigarette

and looking up at the clouds

the clouds never looked so detailed

it's like they didn't have a fluffy edge around them

it almost seemed solid and smooth

one of the most random funny moments was when

i was standing in front of my parents room with

jacky and chung

and we were just literally

standing there

looking around in confusion

and finally chung goes

"are we really just standing in front of your parents room?"

LOL

there were many obstacles to overcome during my trip

like figuring out the thermostat

me and chung literally stood in front of it for 5 minutes

trying to figure out

"WHATS HOT?

is 90 DEGREES HOT?"

note to self: a thermostat is highly inoperable

when shrooming

alas, near the end of my trip, mark put on one of my favorite music videos

again, it was 5004% times more amplified when i was tripping

so it just looked too beautiful

even if you're sober right now, it will still blow your mind away

after watching it you just enter this moment of silence and you're just like

"whoa."

Birdy Nam Nam - The Parachute Ending

i had A LOT of laughs that night

and had a great trip

i definitely did not feel as many strange emotions

as i did my last trip

this was more of a "having fun" trip

but i did gain some insight from it

after every trip it seems like i just walked through

the many untouched doors of life

anyways i hope everyone had a good christmas

mine was pretty chill

just ate a lot of food and ended it with a cup of merlot

i got some useful clothing and funds for hard NYE

which is in 3 days

YES!

i can't believe it's 3 days until christmas

i'm sure all of you have noticed... it seems like the holidays have lost

their spark haven't they

when we were kids we would always look forward to halloween or christmas

we would look forward to trick or treating or waking up early to open presents

now its like the only thing we look forward to are our days off or when we get paid

i still wished we felt the same about the holidays

well i'm sure there are people out there who do

but i know i certainly don't

i mean, i want to feel excited

i try to enjoy seeing all the decorations and lights and listening to christmas music

and whatnot

but when the day actually comes it's like cool for awhile, you do notice it feels different than any other day

but then halfway through the day it just feels like a normal day again

well.. today i was thinking

concerning the fact that were older now is why were not so excited for the holidays

how do older people feel?

like our parents

it seems they actually do have more spirit in them (my mom atleast) at their age

could it be that.. as we get older we eventually get that magic back?

just because that were aware of the fact that we've been on this planet for such a long time that

we just want to cherish those special days of the year

so that we still feel alive

i dont know @_@

anyways

i'm going to spend this christmas by myself this year

my whole family is going to be in cali

but that's okay

cause on new years i'm going go to......

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! :D

500 days of summer

"i hate you"

last night,

i finally got a bad case of sleep paralysis.

for those of you who haven't heard of sleep paralysis,

"Physiologically, sleep paralysis is closely related to the paralysis that occurs as a natural part of REM (rapid eye movement) sleep, which is known as REM atonia. Sleep paralysis occurs when the brain awakes from a REM state, but the body paralysis persists. This leaves the person fully conscious, but unable to move. The paralysis can last from several seconds to several minutes "after which the individual may experience panic symptoms and the realization that the distorted perceptions were false.

The paralysis state may be accompanied by terrifying hallucinations (hypnopompic or hypnagogic) and an acute sense of danger.Sleep paralysis is particularly frightening to the individual because of the vividness of such hallucinations. The hallucinatory element to sleep paralysis makes it even more likely that someone will interpret the experience as a dream, since completely fanciful, or dream-like, objects may appear in the room alongside one's normal vision. Some scientists have proposed this condition as an explanation for alien abductions and ghostly encounters."

i felt awake,

i was fully aware of all my senses except sight

and it all started with something tapping on my back

like it was trying to get my attention

and, knowing that nothing should be in my room while i sleep, i started to panic

i could feel the tapping, yet i could not move or react

i felt like i was dreaming, yet i felt like i was awake

and since i felt this physical touch on me, i couldn't do anything but start to scream and yell

it lasted about 10 seconds

when i woke up, i immediately turned to my left (cause you know, since i was half aware that someone/something was touching me, i wanted to see what it was)

and there was nothing

i scanned around my room and just sat there on my bed, still shaken from the experience

"The paralysis can last from several seconds to several minutes "after which the individual may experience panic symptoms and the realization that the distorted perceptions were false"

this is from the scientific definition of sleep paralysis, but many believe that we really do see/feel

paranormal activities

i have heard many stories from various friends:

"my mother told me of a night she had sleep paralysis. she was laying in her bed on her side and could not move, but could look around. she saw a dark figure standing at the door. she wanted to scream but she could not talk or move. another time was when she was sleeping on her back, and she was half-asleep when she saw a demonic figure sitting on top of her. it began to choke her. she could feel the hands around her throat. she could only watch in terror, for her body couldnt move again. she then was able to say one thing: "jesus, help me." after that, the demonic figure dissipated and her nightmarish experience was over."

it is noted that one of the causes of sleep paralysis is sleeping with your face upwards (sleeping on your back):

The Nightmare, by Henry Fuseli (1781) is thought to be one of the classic depictions of sleep paralysis perceived as a demonic visitation.

But, as in mine and the below case, it can also occur while you sleep on your side:

"i was sleeping on my side when i noticed i could not move. i felt an uncomfortable presence inside my room, like it was looking right at me. something then grabbed my arm and flung it across the bed. i regained full consciousness after that and was terribly disturbed."

"Some reports read that various factors increase the likelihood of both paralysis and hallucinations. These include:

• Irregular sleeping schedules; naps, sleeping in, sleep deprivation
• Increased stress
• Sudden environmental/lifestyle changes
• A lucid dream that immediately precedes the episode."

now i wonder....

was it that ghost that lives in my house the one that wanted to get my attention?

.....goddamnit,

cant you see im trying to sleep

Beach House - Norway

We were sleeping till
You came along
With your diamond heart
You let us in the wooden house
To share in all the wealth

Don't you know it's true?
Norway-ay-ay-ay, ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay

Seven figures leap the hungry maws
The beastie comes to you
He's a hunter for a lonely heart
In the season of the sun

Don't you know it's true?
Norway-ay-ay-ay, ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay

Where you thinkin' that you gotta run to now
With the beating of a diamond heart?
Hang on to the things that you're supposed to say
Billions of stars that open to your fate

Norway-ay-ay-ay, Norway-ay-ay-ay...

it's interesting how people will walk into their job everyday
and will do anything and everything so that they can just get on with their day
and in doing so they form relationships with other employees
and they'll form some kind of "work" relationship with them

that kind of relationship where you'll pass em while walking around
and will always say that one common greeting,
"hey, how are you?"
"i'm fine, how about you?"
"i'm doing good thanks."

and that's it
for the rest of the shift
you might do this with 20+ people
depending on where you work and how much you like your job

there are of course actual friendships that are made in the workplace
but other than that, it almost just seems like a world of saying
hi's and bye's
they pretend to be someone's friend, but their workplace
is probably the only place that they see each other
so it doesn't matter right?

i find it unusually disturbing sometimes when i think about this while im working
but then i accept it and meld in with the system
humans will do whatever it takes to gain personal satisfaction,
whether it be doing someone a favor or shooting an AK-47 at a crowd of civilians
so in the workplace it's also the same
it may appear that your boss cares about you,
but really they could give a flying fuck about who you are, what you do
they just want you to do your job
cause that's their job
an employee will form a bond with their manager,
but either one of them could disappear from the face of the planet
and either one of them wouldn't be all that phased (again, this is assuming that they have a mediocre relationship)
cause after all,
they never had childhood memories with each other,
they never had any "ohh man remember that one time" moments with each other

that's why it's okay to not say bye to some people when you get off work
it's not like they'll come up to you and say,
"hey, you didn't say bye to me"
no
it's because they know exactly what im talking about
they know you're just trying to get on with life
i mean, i'm not saying that it's okay to always not say bye to anyone when you get off work
i will say hi to anyone i come across when i first walk into work,
but when i leave, i say bye to everyone at the front desk (since that's where i work at) and to anyone else i pass by
but i won't go out of my way to say bye to everyone that i said hi to
cause honestly
i just want to get out of there ASAP
all you workers know this to
your shift just ended
you're fuckin tired as balls
and you can't wait to get home to smoke a bowl (that atleast applies to me, lol :P)

like i said before, it's clearly evident in most workplaces that
employees actually do form real relationships with each other
and they do form solid memories with each other
and they do actually hang out with each other outside of work

ah

the relationships that human beings have with each other
just never cease to intrigue me

you know what grinds my gears?
how slutty the new generation of kids look nowadays

i mean..

10, 11, 12 year olds in booty shorts



why?


well... i'm not surprised
what they put on the disney channel nowadays is just trash to me
hannah montana and selena gomez are growing up, which means they're going
to even be more sluttier than they already are
and so the girls will follow in their footsteps

not only that, it has been noted through some research that
the hormones in the typical female body are evolving faster than how
they did back in the day
i'm sure you've all noticed it
girls are being fully developed by 14 and 15






ridiculous

i ain't no saint but
world, i wish you could clean yourself up

oh god, when i woke up this morning
i felt extremely exhausted
but it was that good kind of exhausted

last weekend was amazing in many ways
it was the vacation i've needed
a couple days in another city with some good friends
is all you need for a good vacation
(and some trees ;)

hard haunted surely tore my face to shreds
and i enjoyed every minute there
and this time it didn't get broken up
so i got to bask in 10 hours of ass-fucking beats

you can never really fully enjoy an artists music unless you see them live
and i just think it's awesome how they remix most of their songs
when they go on stage

i remember
when we first arrived at mark's house @ 4 am
we went up to the lookout on the beach
and it was funny because i remember asking mark
"so what's the name of this beach? cause people always ask me and
i can never tell them... cause i never really found out the name"
mark replies
"they call it moonlight beach"
and right when he said that we came to the view of the ocean
and the moon was kind of close to the horizon
so there was a bright reflection on the waves
and it just made all of us say
"whoa."
hahahaha
"now i see how it got its nickname"
mark: "actually, that's the real name of the beach"
interesting indeed

it will be a long time until i go to the next rave
:(



but until next time....



check out kris with his yoshi costume @ hardhaunted:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CVGFFbGu0A4
scroll to 2:30-2:35

HAHAHAH

also
check out these guys who were the closing act of hard
they just straight up blew my mind with their constant beats
and kept my roll going until the end of the rave @ 4:00am

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tt7Kf8K4sos

and lastly, one of their music videos that's very interesting:

Modeselektor - Black Block
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g0vpWsNqNpE

i think i'm finally starting to anticipate it now :D

different sizes
different shapes
different color
everyone's out for each other

they'll fuck with your mind
they need fuel for their purpose
they'll speak with mud splurting from their mouth

i'm sorry,
but there's just nothing here to fuck with







i knew
that after what we created with each other
it's always going to be true

there's just no one like you

now,
what was that shadow i saw moving
in my peripheral vision?

after what i heard last night
i pretty much now clarified it



there's a ghost living in my house.


there have been only 2 accounts of strange things happening


i remember the first one

it was about 4 years ago
i was home alone
i was just sitting on my computer playing computer games
like the nerd i am
and then all of a sudden i hear some knocks on the door to my room
and i just think,
"oh, my parents just got home, i just didn't notice"
cause i would usually notice if they get home since
the driveway is in plain view outside my window
so i get up off my chair (and remember, i didn't just hear things cause i wouldn't have reacted to it if i didn't hear anything, you know?)
and open my door
and all i see is an
empty
dark
hallway

i slammed the door and sat on my chair
and stared at the door
hearts pounding
"wtf was that?"
...............


the 2nd time
i was home alone again
and i was just going downstairs to get a drink
and right when i got down to the middle of the stairs
(and don't forget, i wouldn't have reacted this way if i knew i didn't hear anything)
i heard a girls voice (i'm not sure if it was a child's or older lady's) saying my name
like in a whisper voice
exactly like "vince."
right when i heard that
i stopped
my heart stopped
i ran upstairs
slammed the door
and sat on my chair
and this time, i was really tripped the FUCK out
i had to tell everyone on AIM
i had to call people
i had to hear someone
i had to talk to someone
was i losing it or did i just hear a girl call my name?

im glad it wasn't in an angry voice, it just sounded really subtle


now, just about 2 months ago
something appeared on the sliding door to my backyard
that i wish i never saw

a set of child's handprints have appeared
and i can tell it's a child's cause theyre 3x smaller than my own
and i can feel them, as if they were left from the inside of the house
i'm not joking, you can come to my house to see
i've shown it to some people and they just wanted to look away
my dad was like, "should we wash it off?"
my brother responds, "no, it will anger the spirits"
LOL
it sounds funny but i believe it will too

anyways

last night, at 4 am
i was laying on my bed about to fall asleep
and then all of a sudden
i hear someone walking outside my door into my brothers room
as if they were in a rush
and those footsteps sounded really heavy
and i got tripped out cause i could see that the lights were off
and my parents never go out into the hallway without turning the lights on

i know this could be a fluke, but ive heard these footsteps atleast 2 other nights in the past
and everytime i thought it was my mom

actually,
i can recall the first time i heard those footsteps

i was just sleeping,
and then i heard a lot of footsteps outside my door
and then even the sound of someone trying to turn the knob
but since my door was locked my door didnt open
i got tripped out so bad i called my mom
i said, "are you outside your room?"
mom: "no."
"i think there's someone in the house then."
mom: "no.. i think you just hear me in MY bathroom walking around"
"ok then...."
i just accepted that fact (cause i do hear footsteps through the wall of my room, since my parents room are on the other side) and went to bed, even though i know i heard the footsteps outside MY door




i want to find out your name, ghost
i want to find out what's your history
i want to know if you're friendly
i acknowledge your prescence



give me a sign

OMG



YES


it feels so nice right now here in vegas
today i felt something different
it wasn't just the obvious temperature change
no
it was the atmosphere as well
the sounds, the smells
it all seemed deliciously familiar

ah
yes!
fall is here
and its the awesomest season in vegas
cause its the season
that will bring the most awesomest feeling days that
this blistering desert can offer
you get those days where you feel like youre driving around california

the last time i felt something similar to today was...

well..

last fall of course O_o

hhahahaha

no,
but really
when i woke up this morning
when i took that first breathe of air
and tasted it with the tip of my tongue
it tasted like
all of my memories from around last fall and winter
it felt like i was living back at that time period for just that exhale
and it was just like



woah

i always get a kick out of it when shit like that happens


don't you? :D

he's crazy

she's crazy

they're crazy

you're crazy

i'm crazy

the whole world is crazy









and once we've become used to it


nothing seems real

note to self:

never take ecstasy the night before work in the morning X_X

we all want to be different
we all want to feel different
we all want to see something different
we all want to hear something different
but us humans don't like change

starting from 8:30pm until 1:30am,
i have consumned/ingested:

one serving of bacon, chicken, and broccoli mac and cheese
slice of vanilla bean cheesecake
can of coca cola
2 crackers topped with homemade tuna and famous dave's sweet and spicy pickles
2 bags of welch's fruit snacks
about 30 pieces of ranch flavored goldfish
about 20 grapes
2 homemade muffins topped with pineapple sauce, honey, and a cherry in the center of each one
about 30 peanuts
another serving of the bacon, chicken, and broccoli mac and cheese
2 mini bagels with cream cheese
1 dinner roll with cocojam
about 20 pieces of dibs
1 can of sprite
2 glasses of apple juice
1 pear
a portion of a bacon, provolone cheese dinner roll sandwhich
4 glasses of water
1 glass of merlot
and 2 bowls of marijuana LOL


kris: "there's so much bullshit in our stomach right now"

GOODBYE RAZOR

it was just a dream
though i wish it wasn't

we all must enjoy the little things in life

because it's the little things in life that could bring that
jolt of happiness we are all looking for everyday

there are too many people in the world
who are too ignorant
or too consumed in their own life
that they can't take out the time
or energy to really notice and enjoy all the little things


my friend jorrel told me a story where him and my cousin kris were driving into this neighborhood where
his friends house is, and next to his house were a bunch of emo kids
and as they were rolling up in the car, they were blasting kirby techno music

if you saw that coming down the street and heard that ridiculous music
how could you not laugh?
the kids just glared with uninterested eyes
i mean, just because you classify yourself as an "emo" kid doesn't mean
you're not allowed to find enjoyment in other kinds of music that you don't usually listen to

another example
kris told me a story where he and his friends were in an elevator
and he was dancing the whole way down
and then as he came out he saw this group of a typical caucasian family that consisted of
a father mother daughter and son
the daughter and son were in their late 20s i was guessing
but anyways as he exited the elevator he continued dancing
and then he overheard the son say "awwwwkwarrrrd"
and then the daughter remarks "who just dances like that?"
as said by kris
the real question is
"WHO DOESN'T JUST DANCE LIKE THAT?"

what, just because it doesn't conform to society
and it's not "typical" to see a party going on in an elevator
that you have to believe that what you just saw was "immoral, stupid, or childish"




those people are the ones missing out in life
you have to learn how to just loosen up
accept the world for what it is
and make the best of it
life is too short to be worrying and being angry for no reason everyday

even though it's one of the most cliche lines ever

life is a gift

we can literally do anything we want to

if we were really determined

if i wanted to climb my house for no particular reason

just to be on the roof

i can

if you wanted to start your own business that was devoted in finding the technology to be able to compress a car into a capsule (yes just like in dbz)

you can

don't forget,

you can interpret any situation however you want to

you can either get butt-hurt and take it in the wrongest of ways

or look at it from a positive point of view

cause as long as it doesn't kill you or harm you you in anyway

how could we get mad at it if were still living with all of the possibilities in the world

but... coming back to my original topic
despite all of the hardships you may face
despite all of the bullshit that will be thrown at you




please never forget the little things in life....

i was just discussing this with my friend jorrel last night:

why are us humans held morally responsible for our actions?
for example,
if we go and fuck up, and then (if you're catholic) we have to now go and "repent" our sins to the lord

but here's the thing..

if god is omniscient (all-knowing),
then therefore he knows what you're going to do tomorrow (good or bad)
and if he knows what we're gonna do tomorrow,
how can we do otherwise?
if we cannot do otherwise, then how can we be held morally responsible for our actions?




something to think about.

I WIN

the results will be in tomorrow by 11 am

with all that detox and water i drank

i mustve peed like atleast 10 times by now

so....

i've detoxified myself





now it's time to retoxify myself
LOL

is that even a word?

here i am
at 7:40 am
trying to drink this whole goddamn 1000 ml ( 1 liter ) bottle of detox
i stopped chugging when it was about 1/8 done LOL
tastes like shit!
and my body cant even hold this much liquid at one time
i feel like i'd throw up if i try to chug more than i can handle
right now its still about 1/2 full still
i was wondering that since i have a small body frame and dont weigh that much
that it isn't necessary to drink the whole bottle
but what if it is necessary?
ahhhh
i have until 9 am to take my drug test
and its now 7:42
i still have to shower and use that special shampoo
which says i have to leave in my hair for 15 minutes
it'll probably take about 10 minutes to reach American Toxicology
but how long would the process be to take my test?
well i'd probably be the only one there
who takes a drug test this early anyways?





wish me luck.

so far my 2 days working at the cheesecake factory have been interesting
the people are definately more chill there than victorias secret
man... they had me thinking i didnt have to take a drug test
since they already put me through all of the initiation processes
im in the system and everything and ive been training these 2 days
and then today my manager walked up to me and was like "hey! i gotta give you the drug test papers before you leave okay?"
WHY?!!
WHY MUST YOU TRICK ME LIKE THAT?!!!11
youre gonna really teach me all of these things,
let me make all of these bonds with all of your employees,
give me your handy dandy handbook,
and even let me order some free food
and then youre gonna fire me?

WHYYY OH WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

lol


i'll have to find a way around it





i will :)